To make a long story short because I only have the energy for the abbreviated version right now. The details are too involved and more medical than I care to explain right now. Basically we didn't learn much else and there was a lot of negativity in this meeting. I usually go into these meeting with my negativity armor on but today it was breached.
The words stung and my hopes were somewhat shaken. In a nutshell, we were told the fact that she isn't babbling by the age of 2 when she should have between 50-200 words is concerning. Her slowed head growth could mean it’s not going to do much else and we don’t know what her capacity is to learn. These words hung in the air like black smoke that I could not fan away. I was left with images of Erin with the mind of a 2 year old in the body of a 20 year old not being able to care for herself or having a husband or child. She has been progressing slowly but the thought of her abilities reading reach a plateau is not something I am ready to except. No one had ever been so forth coming and I don’t know how to feel. Up to know I have pushed all the negativity aside and maybe that’s naïve but it’s the only way I can cope and move forward. I am her biggest cheerleader and for ME to start doubting her abilities really burst my bubble and made me mad at myself. They want her to have another MRI and EEG to see if they see anything new from her past MRI. They are really unsure of any solid reasons why she is delayed other than her microcephally (small head = small brain) The head grows as the brain grows and if that isn’t happening the head doesn’t find a need to get bigger.
I am really trying to refocus and tell myself we still don’t know what she can do but today was not a great day for us. After a good cry that I at least waited to do after we got out of the doctor’s office I know we could have it SO MUCH WORSE and the fact that she doesn’t have any real medical issues we are blessed. I’m fighting some demons right now with future worries but I will win and Erin will get the best of her Mom but I’m human and right now I’m pretty upset and need a little time to reset my heart and soul. Ultimately it is what it is, and she is exactly how God intended her to be. I need to stop trying to change what God has set in place and reach a higher level of acceptance.
I love this little girl more than I can express and I only want the best for her, as all mothers do. Thanks for reading. We appreciate all your prayers.